After the right of Allah, no human being has a greater right over us than our parents.
Again and again, the Quran places kindness to parents right after the command to worship Allah alone.
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and to parents, good treatment” (Al-Isra 17:23).
This pairing shows how central parents are to a Muslim’s faith and character.
Birr al-walidayn, righteousness and kindness towards parents, is one of the most beloved deeds to Allah, and disobedience to parents is among the major sins.
This article explains the rights of parents in Islam, the special status of the mother, how to treat parents in different situations, what to do when parents are non-Muslim or difficult, how to honour them after death and practical ways to show kindness every day.
The Status of Parents in the Quran
Kindness after worship of Allah
Allah repeatedly joins His right with that of parents: “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good” (An-Nisa 4:36).
“And We have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents” (Al-Ankabut 29:8).
Gratitude to Allah and parents
“Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final destination” (Luqman 31:14). Gratitude to parents is linked with gratitude to Allah.
Gentle speech
“Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor repel them, but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small” (Al-Isra 17:23-24).
Even the small expression of annoyance, “uff”, is forbidden. This shows the high standard of respect Islam expects.
The Status of Parents in the Sunnah
Among the most beloved deeds
Ibn Mas’ud asked the Prophet ﷺ which deed is most beloved to Allah. He replied: “Prayer at its proper time.”
Ibn Mas’ud asked: “Then what?” He said: “Kindness to parents.”
He asked: “Then what?” He said: “Jihad in the way of Allah.”
Parents as a door to Paradise
The Prophet ﷺ said: “The parent is the middle gate of Paradise. So if you wish, keep to the gate or lose it.”
Allah’s pleasure
“The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the parent, and the displeasure of the Lord is in the displeasure of the parent.”
Serving parents over voluntary jihad
A man came to the Prophet ﷺ asking permission to go for jihad. The Prophet ﷺ asked: “Are your parents alive?”
He said yes. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Then strive in serving them.”
Humiliation for the one who misses the opportunity
The Prophet ﷺ said: “May his nose be rubbed in dust,” three times.
He was asked who, and he said: “The one whose parents, one or both, reach old age with him, and he does not enter Paradise”, meaning by serving them.
The Special Status of the Mother
A man asked the Prophet ﷺ: “Who among people is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said: “Your mother.”
The man asked: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.”
He asked again: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.”
Then he asked: “Then who?” He said: “Your father.”
The Quran explains the reason: “His mother carried him, weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years” (Luqman 31:14).
“His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning period is thirty months” (Al-Ahqaf 46:15).
Pregnancy, childbirth, nursing and years of care give the mother a unique claim to kindness.
A man once carried his mother on his back around the Ka’bah and asked Ibn Umar whether he had repaid her. Ibn Umar said: “No, not even for one of her contractions in labour.”
The Main Rights of Parents
1. Obedience in what is good
Children must obey their parents in all that is permissible and good. Obedience does not extend to sin: “There is no obedience to a creation in disobedience to the Creator.”
2. Respect and honour
Speak to parents gently, do not raise your voice, do not call them by their first names in a disrespectful manner, do not walk ahead of them in a way that disregards them and do not sit while they stand without reason.
3. Kindness in action
Serve them, help with household tasks, run errands and anticipate their needs.
4. Financial support
If parents are in need, children who are able must spend on them.
“They ask you what they should spend. Say: Whatever you spend of good is for parents and relatives” (Al-Baqarah 2:215).
5. Care in old age
As parents age, they may become forgetful, irritable or dependent. This is when kindness is most tested and most rewarded.
6. Dua for them
“My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small” (Al-Isra 17:24). Make dua for your parents in every prayer.
7. Consulting them
Seek their advice in important matters. Their experience and love are valuable.
8. Keeping in touch
Visit, call and spend time with them. Distance should not mean neglect.
Treating Non-Muslim Parents
Islam commands kindness even towards non-Muslim parents.
“But if they endeavour to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, but accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness” (Luqman 31:15).
Asma bint Abu Bakr asked the Prophet ﷺ whether she should maintain ties with her mother, who was not Muslim and had come to visit her.
He said: “Yes, maintain ties with your mother.”
Children of non-Muslim parents should be gentle, patient, respectful and helpful, inviting them to Islam through good character rather than argument.
Dealing With Difficult Parents
Some parents can be harsh, controlling or unfair. Islam does not require children to accept abuse or to obey in sin, but it still calls for patience, respect and kindness.
- Respond to harshness with gentle words.
- Set respectful boundaries where necessary to protect your faith, health or family.
- Seek help from wise relatives or counsellors.
- Continue making dua for them.
- Remember that kindness is for Allah’s sake, and He rewards it even when it is not reciprocated.
Common Ways Children Neglect Parents’ Rights
- Speaking harshly or rolling eyes.
- Ignoring their calls or messages.
- Prioritising friends or spouses in a way that neglects parents.
- Failing to support them financially when able.
- Leaving them alone in old age without care.
- Exposing their faults to others.
- Causing them to be insulted by insulting other people’s parents. The Prophet ﷺ listed cursing one’s parents among the major sins, and explained that this happens when a person insults someone else’s parents and they insult his in return.
Honouring Parents After Their Death
Kindness to parents does not end at death. A man asked the Prophet ﷺ whether any kindness remained that he could do for his parents after their death.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Yes: praying for them, seeking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises after them, maintaining the ties of kinship that are only connected through them and honouring their friends.”
Ways to benefit deceased parents
- Dua and istighfar: the Prophet ﷺ said that a righteous child who prays for them is a deed that continues after death.
- Sadaqah on their behalf: a man asked whether giving charity for his deceased mother would benefit her, and the Prophet ﷺ said yes.
- Hajj or Umrah on their behalf.
- Paying their debts.
- Fulfilling their wills and promises.
- Visiting their relatives and friends.
- Being a righteous person, since your good deeds are part of their legacy.
The Story of Uways al-Qarani
Uways al-Qarani was a man from Yemen who lived during the time of the Prophet ﷺ but never met him because he was caring for his mother.
The Prophet ﷺ told Umar ibn al-Khattab about him, saying that he was kind to his mother, and that if he swore by Allah, Allah would fulfil it.
He told Umar to ask Uways to seek forgiveness for him. Uways’s devotion to his mother raised his status so high that the Prophet ﷺ praised him without ever meeting him.
Practical Daily Ways to Honour Parents
- Greet them with salaam and a smile.
- Kiss their hands or forehead as a sign of respect, if culturally appropriate.
- Call them daily if you live apart.
- Help with cooking, cleaning or shopping.
- Take them to appointments.
- Listen patiently to their stories.
- Thank them often.
- Give gifts, even small ones.
- Involve them in your children’s lives.
- Teach your children to respect their grandparents.
- Read the Quran with them or for them.
- Make dua for them in sujood.
Teaching Children to Honour Parents
Children learn birr al-walidayn by watching how their parents treat grandparents.
Parents can teach the verses of Al-Isra, share the story of Uways and encourage simple acts like bringing water, saying thank you and helping with chores.
Praising children when they show kindness reinforces the lesson.
Balancing Rights of Parents and Spouse
After marriage, many people struggle to balance the rights of their parents with those of their spouse and children. Islam gives each their due.
A husband must not neglect his wife’s rights to please his parents, and he must not abandon his parents to please his wife.
Wise communication, fairness and patience help maintain harmony.
Spend regular, quality time with parents, involve your spouse in honouring them and avoid speaking negatively about either side to the other.
When conflicts arise, seek calm solutions rather than taking sides harshly. A spouse who helps their partner honour their parents earns a share in that great reward.
Living Far From Parents
Many Muslims today live in different cities or countries from their parents for work or study. Distance makes kindness more intentional.
Call regularly, ideally at a fixed time so parents can look forward to it. Send messages, photos of grandchildren and small gifts.
Visit whenever possible, especially for Eid and important occasions. Arrange help for them locally if they need it, and support them financially if you can.
Most importantly, keep them in your dua every day. Distance does not reduce the right of parents; it simply changes how we fulfil it.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the rights of parents in Islam?
Obedience in what is good, respect, kindness, financial support when needed, care in old age, dua and maintaining ties after their death.
Why does the mother have a greater right?
Because of the hardship of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing and early care. The Prophet ﷺ mentioned the mother three times before the father.
Must I obey my parents if they ask me to sin?
No. There is no obedience in disobedience to Allah, but you must still treat them kindly.
How can I help my parents after they die?
Make dua and istighfar for them, give charity on their behalf, fulfil their promises and keep ties with their relatives and friends.
Is disobeying parents a major sin?
Yes. The Prophet ﷺ listed disobedience to parents among the greatest of major sins.
Caring for Parents With Illness or Dementia
When parents develop serious illness or dementia, caring for them can be exhausting. They may forget names, repeat questions or become angry without reason.
This is when the command to say only a noble word becomes most meaningful.
Share responsibilities among siblings, seek professional help where needed and take care of your own health so you can continue serving.
Every act of patience and care in these years is among the most rewarded deeds a child can offer.
Final Thoughts
Our parents gave us life, care and countless sacrifices we will never fully know.
Islam honours them with a status second only to Allah’s right, and it makes serving them a direct path to Allah’s pleasure and Paradise.
Speak to them gently, serve them humbly, support them generously, pray for them constantly and continue honouring them after they are gone.
As long as they are alive, the middle gate of Paradise stands open before you. Do not let it close without walking through it.
Learn the duas for parents taught in the Quran.